Saturday, September 25, 2010

Random thoughts: what will not get you laid...

Ladies and ... well actually.. just Gentlemen this time! Although ladies might find some of this painfully familiar. I dont know whether it was just my luck or whether Thursday night is generally a 'bad pick up line' night but this is a true story and happened to me at different venues but on the same night.. Gentlemen take note and never do it again! You will not , and I mean ever in a hundred million years, pick up a girl using the following tactics:

1. Tell me I really look like your ex-girlfriend. At which point while smiling politely I am contemplating which pick up line is more lame 'ex-girlfriend' or the text book 'future girlfriend'. You, having noticed my hesitation and a confused smile (which looks like I just ate a lemon) proceed to prove that you are actually for real and show me a facebook picture of the girl on your phone. I'm still not convinced and walk away to process this information. The situation is only worsened by the fact you bud into my conversations with other people seeking their support and showing them the same picture. They look at me with a silent question - "do you know this guy!?". I really hope you had too much to drink and this is not your normal self. Enough said.

p.s. i then duly find out from friends of friends that you in fact have a girlfriend and she is in fact blond

2. Stalk me on the dancefloor in a nightclub, openly look me up and down and discuss me with your wingman. At this point I already think you are quite rude though I am secretly flattered. You then proceed, in a not-so-subtle manouvre to separate me from my friend by spinning me into a dance whilst your wingman steps in between me and my friend thus creating a wall of flesh so I cannot wink or otherwise communicate the code word for 'SAVE ME NOW!'. The only problem is my friend is male and so is your wingman and at this point it just looks plain weird.. To make things worse you then tell me that my friend is a loser and I should hang out with you and your friends tonight. I mean, really?! Did it ever occur to you that may be if I am friends with this person then I clearly must not think that he is loser?!

p.s. I really wish I said something at the time.. but sometimes I am just too damn polite for my own good.

3. Talk about 'deep' things at 3 am when a really good song is on and I just want to dance. The truth is, I am probably too drunk to register any of the deep talk and your theory about how the feeling of happiness is relative and may be it is not even the feeling of happiness but just means that the person was sad before and now back to normal and hence they are feeling happy... IT JUST DOES NOT MAKE SENSE TO ME AT 3 IN THE MORNING.

p.s. and you really love your mum. I love my mum too. It's a given. Do not need to mention it.

I am not trying to be mean, this stuff happens to girls all the time but because it all happened on the same night I became very concerned that this is no longer a coincidence and is in fact becoming a pattern. I feel guilty for not saying something to the above individuals on the night but I thought I could try to rectify it by getting the message out there so other guys could learn something. I hope.